You know what is really starting to make me mad?
ETHICS! My teacher was wrong the entire time about the dates for school. Her syllabus was all off schedule. Instead of getting it corrected immediately she decides to wait and play it by ear.
She finally gets it right right before spring break. There is a paper we are currently all working on a due dates for when we have to present our paper to the class and then debate. Originally my paper wasn't scheduled until the 6th of April....NOW ITS DUE THE DAY WE GET BACK FROM SPRING BREAK!!!!!
Totally fucked up my spring break on so many levels. Not only am I stuck at home instead of with my best friend in Arizona, I have to worry about all of the Ethics shit I have to do.
FML!
ps. sara doesnt think she is my best friend anymore but she will. I will make her.
pps. one good thing did come of this week. :)
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
stupid shit
we all do dumb things when we are young.
i kind of realized how stupid i have been before.
i have been a little slutty and i am not proud of it. that is changing starting last night. hahahahah
no but seriously, i am not going to be like that anymore. i remember certain things from my past and now i am thinking...WTF why did i do that?
good thing i realized this sooner rather than later.
i kind of realized how stupid i have been before.
i have been a little slutty and i am not proud of it. that is changing starting last night. hahahahah
no but seriously, i am not going to be like that anymore. i remember certain things from my past and now i am thinking...WTF why did i do that?
good thing i realized this sooner rather than later.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
When the rain
Is blowing in your face
And the whole world
Is on your case
I could offer you
A warm embrace
To make you feel my love
When the evening shadows
And the stars appear
And there is no one there
To dry your tears
I could hold you
For a million years
To make you feel my love
I know you
Haven't made
Your mind up yet
But I would never
Do you wrong
I've known it
From the moment
That we met
No doubt in my mind
Where you belong
I'd go hungry
I'd go black and blue
I'd go crawling
Down the avenue
No, there's nothing
That I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love
The storms are raging
On the rolling sea
And on the highway of regret
Though winds of change
Are throwing wild and free
You ain't seen nothing
Like me yet
I could make you happy
Make your dreams come true
Nothing that I wouldn't do
Go to the ends
Of the Earth for you
To make you feel my love
makes me think of anyone who loved me more than the last was capable of.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Questions
I think I might have found part of the answer to the question we have been asking myself all week...
I can;t bring myself to be with anyone else. I can't do it.
There are some great guys I have found out there. Ones that treat me well and are nice to me and ones that I am attracted to. But when it comes to having sex with someone or being someone's "girlfriend" I can't do it. When I am in my right mind. I just can't bring myself to be with anyone.
I have never felt this way before. About anyone. Even in past relationships when I have liked someone and they broke up with me, I would be sad and lonely but I never had any problem being with someone else. This is the weirdest feeling I have ever had.
That took me so long to find out and I found out the hard way.
I guess sometimes you have to push people away to see what was really there all along.
I can;t bring myself to be with anyone else. I can't do it.
There are some great guys I have found out there. Ones that treat me well and are nice to me and ones that I am attracted to. But when it comes to having sex with someone or being someone's "girlfriend" I can't do it. When I am in my right mind. I just can't bring myself to be with anyone.
I have never felt this way before. About anyone. Even in past relationships when I have liked someone and they broke up with me, I would be sad and lonely but I never had any problem being with someone else. This is the weirdest feeling I have ever had.
That took me so long to find out and I found out the hard way.
I guess sometimes you have to push people away to see what was really there all along.
Friday, March 13, 2009
It's looking like a limb torn off
Or altogether just taken apart
We're reeling through an endless fall
We are the ever-living ghost of what once was
But no one is ever gonna love you more than I do
No one's gonna love you more than I do
And anything to make you smile
It is my better side of you to admire
But they should never take so long
Just to be over then back to another one
But no one is ever gonna love you more than I do
No one's gonna love you more than I do
But someone,
They could have warned you
When things start splitting at the seams and now
The whole thing's tumbling down
Things start splitting at the seams and now
If things start splitting at the seams and now,
It's tumbling down
Hard.
Anything to make you smile
You are the ever-living ghost of what once was
I never want to hear you say
That you'd be better off
Or you liked it that way
But no one is ever gonna love you more than I do
No one's gonna love you more than I do
But someone
They should have warned you
When things start splitting at the seams and now
The whole thing's tumbling down
Things start splitting at the seams and now
If things start splitting at the seams and now,
It's tumbling down
Hard
Or altogether just taken apart
We're reeling through an endless fall
We are the ever-living ghost of what once was
But no one is ever gonna love you more than I do
No one's gonna love you more than I do
And anything to make you smile
It is my better side of you to admire
But they should never take so long
Just to be over then back to another one
But no one is ever gonna love you more than I do
No one's gonna love you more than I do
But someone,
They could have warned you
When things start splitting at the seams and now
The whole thing's tumbling down
Things start splitting at the seams and now
If things start splitting at the seams and now,
It's tumbling down
Hard.
Anything to make you smile
You are the ever-living ghost of what once was
I never want to hear you say
That you'd be better off
Or you liked it that way
But no one is ever gonna love you more than I do
No one's gonna love you more than I do
But someone
They should have warned you
When things start splitting at the seams and now
The whole thing's tumbling down
Things start splitting at the seams and now
If things start splitting at the seams and now,
It's tumbling down
Hard
this is when it actually begins
the getting over it part.
i wish i hadn't waited so long. i don't want to be sad and i don't want this to take forever.
i think that maybe all of this progressing into what it did has made me see everything a little clearly. i wanted some clarity and i want to have closure and i wanted to feel not so confused.
i think i have those things now. not so much the clarity but the closure and confusion.
i know what i need to know about this situation.
i have said my apologies and i have told you what my heart feels.
i told you had found the forgiveness in my heart.
goodbye.
i wish i hadn't waited so long. i don't want to be sad and i don't want this to take forever.
i think that maybe all of this progressing into what it did has made me see everything a little clearly. i wanted some clarity and i want to have closure and i wanted to feel not so confused.
i think i have those things now. not so much the clarity but the closure and confusion.
i know what i need to know about this situation.
i have said my apologies and i have told you what my heart feels.
i told you had found the forgiveness in my heart.
goodbye.
I dont even know
Somehow you have captured my heart by not even being around.
I am so bummed and my heart wont be able to love for while.
things will get better things will get better things will get better things will get better....
"you would be foolish jen".....you are right, I only have myself to blame this time and so be it. I will learn from my mistakes.
I am so bummed and my heart wont be able to love for while.
things will get better things will get better things will get better things will get better....
"you would be foolish jen".....you are right, I only have myself to blame this time and so be it. I will learn from my mistakes.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
bumer city
i wish i could have felt this way without pushing you away.
no more arizona.... :(
so bummer everywhere.
no more arizona.... :(
so bummer everywhere.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
A peacebone got found in the dinosaur wing
I've been jumping all over but my views are slowly shrinking
I was a Jugular vein in a juggler's girl
I was supposedly leaking the most interesting colors
While half of my fingers are dipped in the sand
You progress in letters, but you're used to cooking broccoli
The other side of take out is mildew on rice
And an obsession with the past is like a dead fly
Only a few things are related to the "old times"
Then we did believe in magic and we did die
It's not my words that you should follow, it's your insides
You're just an inside
Adjust your insides
You're just an inside
I'll bet the monster was happy when they made him a maze
'Cause he don't understand intentions, he just looks at a face
I'll bet the bubbles exploded to tickle the bath
All the birds are very curious, all the fish are at the surface
With half of me waiting for myself to get calm
I'm like a pelican at red tide, I'm a corpse, I'm not a fisherman
And a blowout does not mean I will have a good night
'Cause an obsession with the past is like a dead fly
And just a few things are related to the "old times"
When we did believe in magic and we did die
It's not my words that you should follow, it's your insides
You're just an inside
Adjust your insides
You're just an inside
I start in a hose and I'll end in a yard
When I feel like I'm stealing I can't keep myself from hearing God
Only the taste of your cooking can make me bow on the ground
It was the clouds that carved the mountains, it was the mountains that made the kids scream
Oh well she bore all her parts but she never was found
You think "I'll carve a path through New York and be an artist", but are you anything?
Then you find out you can't ask a baby to cry
And an obsession with the past is like a dead fly
And just a few things are related to the "old times"
When we did believe in magic and we did die
It's not my words that you should follow, it's your insides
You're just an inside
Adjust your insides
You're just an inside
I've been jumping all over but my views are slowly shrinking
I was a Jugular vein in a juggler's girl
I was supposedly leaking the most interesting colors
While half of my fingers are dipped in the sand
You progress in letters, but you're used to cooking broccoli
The other side of take out is mildew on rice
And an obsession with the past is like a dead fly
Only a few things are related to the "old times"
Then we did believe in magic and we did die
It's not my words that you should follow, it's your insides
You're just an inside
Adjust your insides
You're just an inside
I'll bet the monster was happy when they made him a maze
'Cause he don't understand intentions, he just looks at a face
I'll bet the bubbles exploded to tickle the bath
All the birds are very curious, all the fish are at the surface
With half of me waiting for myself to get calm
I'm like a pelican at red tide, I'm a corpse, I'm not a fisherman
And a blowout does not mean I will have a good night
'Cause an obsession with the past is like a dead fly
And just a few things are related to the "old times"
When we did believe in magic and we did die
It's not my words that you should follow, it's your insides
You're just an inside
Adjust your insides
You're just an inside
I start in a hose and I'll end in a yard
When I feel like I'm stealing I can't keep myself from hearing God
Only the taste of your cooking can make me bow on the ground
It was the clouds that carved the mountains, it was the mountains that made the kids scream
Oh well she bore all her parts but she never was found
You think "I'll carve a path through New York and be an artist", but are you anything?
Then you find out you can't ask a baby to cry
And an obsession with the past is like a dead fly
And just a few things are related to the "old times"
When we did believe in magic and we did die
It's not my words that you should follow, it's your insides
You're just an inside
Adjust your insides
You're just an inside
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Stressed out and I didn't have a good day
I only got like...4 hours of sleep last night and had to work a double today.
Needless to say, I was really tired this morning.
Also, when I woke up the power had gone out...turns out it was lovely IPL shutting off my electricity because I had an outstanding balance. I have to pay $212 to get it turned back on which was what I had saved for Arizona trip at the end of this week.
I am really afraid I am not going to be able to go to Arizona because I wont have any money. I am supposed to be driving and haven't gotten my car all fixed up for this trip because I have had no money. The week my grandpa died, I didn't work at all so that just ate up all of my savings.
My ethics paper is due the day after I get back from Arizona when originally it wasn't due until April 6th. So now I have...three days to write a paper and I haven't written papers since I was in high school....almost 4 years ago. Wouldn't be such a big deal but I have to present in front of the class.
And as I was leaving to go back to work today, Carlton had put a piece of paper at my door saying that they would be in tomorrow from 9-5 to "inspect" my apartment. FUCKING AWESOME. I haven't had time to paint or clean anything. I also have cats that they don't know about so somehow I need to figure out how to hide them.
I have to take a text tonight that I will probably fail because I haven't done my reading.
Alot of this is my fault but some of it was kind of out of my hands.
I am so fucking stressed out and tired. I know I wont get to sleep early tonight because after I take my test I have to clean and start painting my house. Yes, I get to do this all by myself too! It would be cool if only the Carlton had let me know maybe...a week in advance??!?!?!
GAH!!!! :(
Needless to say, I was really tired this morning.
Also, when I woke up the power had gone out...turns out it was lovely IPL shutting off my electricity because I had an outstanding balance. I have to pay $212 to get it turned back on which was what I had saved for Arizona trip at the end of this week.
I am really afraid I am not going to be able to go to Arizona because I wont have any money. I am supposed to be driving and haven't gotten my car all fixed up for this trip because I have had no money. The week my grandpa died, I didn't work at all so that just ate up all of my savings.
My ethics paper is due the day after I get back from Arizona when originally it wasn't due until April 6th. So now I have...three days to write a paper and I haven't written papers since I was in high school....almost 4 years ago. Wouldn't be such a big deal but I have to present in front of the class.
And as I was leaving to go back to work today, Carlton had put a piece of paper at my door saying that they would be in tomorrow from 9-5 to "inspect" my apartment. FUCKING AWESOME. I haven't had time to paint or clean anything. I also have cats that they don't know about so somehow I need to figure out how to hide them.
I have to take a text tonight that I will probably fail because I haven't done my reading.
Alot of this is my fault but some of it was kind of out of my hands.
I am so fucking stressed out and tired. I know I wont get to sleep early tonight because after I take my test I have to clean and start painting my house. Yes, I get to do this all by myself too! It would be cool if only the Carlton had let me know maybe...a week in advance??!?!?!
GAH!!!! :(
Monday, March 9, 2009
naive
Give me your eyes
I need sunshine
Give me your eyes
I need sunshine
Your blood
Your bones
Your voice
and your ghost
We've both been very brave
Walk around with both legs
Fight the scary day
We both pull the tricks out of our sleeves
but I'll believe in anything
and you'll believe in anything
said I'll believe in anything
and you'll believe in anything
If I could take the fire out from the water
I'd share a life and you'd share a life
If I could take the fire out from the water
I'd share a life and you'd share a life
If I could take the fire out from the water
I'd take you where nobody knows you
And nobody gives a damn
said nobody knows you
and nobody gives a damn
and I could take another hit for you
and I could take away your trips from you
and I could take away the salt from your eyes
and take away the spitting salt in you
and I could give you my apologies
by handing over my neologies
and I could take away the shaking knees
and I could give you all the olive trees
oh look at the trees and look at my face and look at a place far away from here
Give me your eyes
I need sunshine
Give me your eyes
I need sunshine
Your blood
Your bones
Your voice
and your ghost
We've both been very brave
Walk around with both legs
Fight the scary day
We both pull the tricks out of our sleeves
but I'll believe in anything
and you'll believe in anything
If I could take the fire out from the water
I'd share a life and you'd share a life
If I could take the fire out from the water
I'd share a life and you'd share a life
If I could take the fire out from the water
I'd take you where nobody knows you
And nobody gives a damn
I said nobody knows you
and nobody gives a damn
I said nobody knows you
and nobody gives a damn either way
About your blood
your bones
your voice
and ghost
because nobody knows you
and nobody gives a damn either way
I need sunshine
Give me your eyes
I need sunshine
Your blood
Your bones
Your voice
and your ghost
We've both been very brave
Walk around with both legs
Fight the scary day
We both pull the tricks out of our sleeves
but I'll believe in anything
and you'll believe in anything
said I'll believe in anything
and you'll believe in anything
If I could take the fire out from the water
I'd share a life and you'd share a life
If I could take the fire out from the water
I'd share a life and you'd share a life
If I could take the fire out from the water
I'd take you where nobody knows you
And nobody gives a damn
said nobody knows you
and nobody gives a damn
and I could take another hit for you
and I could take away your trips from you
and I could take away the salt from your eyes
and take away the spitting salt in you
and I could give you my apologies
by handing over my neologies
and I could take away the shaking knees
and I could give you all the olive trees
oh look at the trees and look at my face and look at a place far away from here
Give me your eyes
I need sunshine
Give me your eyes
I need sunshine
Your blood
Your bones
Your voice
and your ghost
We've both been very brave
Walk around with both legs
Fight the scary day
We both pull the tricks out of our sleeves
but I'll believe in anything
and you'll believe in anything
If I could take the fire out from the water
I'd share a life and you'd share a life
If I could take the fire out from the water
I'd share a life and you'd share a life
If I could take the fire out from the water
I'd take you where nobody knows you
And nobody gives a damn
I said nobody knows you
and nobody gives a damn
I said nobody knows you
and nobody gives a damn either way
About your blood
your bones
your voice
and ghost
because nobody knows you
and nobody gives a damn either way
Friday, March 6, 2009
Thursday, March 5, 2009
???
Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Why I love being a server!
When asked what I do besides work, I say "go to school, work at another restaurant named Zorba's and pay bills!"
Everyone is always impressed with how I live my life and yesterday I had a mad ask me the same question. I responded the same way and he told me that if I were his daughter he would be very proud of me.
:)
Also, almost every table of women I get, and I kid you not, they always comment on long my eyelashes are and how beautiful my eyes are. Its flattering but I am losing eyelashes with all of the times I have to pull on my lashes to prove that they are not fake.
Serving is such a self esteem booster! HA.
Makes me feel goood!
Everyone is always impressed with how I live my life and yesterday I had a mad ask me the same question. I responded the same way and he told me that if I were his daughter he would be very proud of me.
:)
Also, almost every table of women I get, and I kid you not, they always comment on long my eyelashes are and how beautiful my eyes are. Its flattering but I am losing eyelashes with all of the times I have to pull on my lashes to prove that they are not fake.
Serving is such a self esteem booster! HA.
Makes me feel goood!
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