Grrrrrrr

You know what is really starting to make me mad?

ETHICS! My teacher was wrong the entire time about the dates for school. Her syllabus was all off schedule. Instead of getting it corrected immediately she decides to wait and play it by ear.

She finally gets it right right before spring break. There is a paper we are currently all working on a due dates for when we have to present our paper to the class and then debate. Originally my paper wasn't scheduled until the 6th of April....NOW ITS DUE THE DAY WE GET BACK FROM SPRING BREAK!!!!!

Totally fucked up my spring break on so many levels. Not only am I stuck at home instead of with my best friend in Arizona, I have to worry about all of the Ethics shit I have to do.

FML!

ps. sara doesnt think she is my best friend anymore but she will. I will make her.


pps. one good thing did come of this week. :)

stupid shit

we all do dumb things when we are young.


i kind of realized how stupid i have been before.

i have been a little slutty and i am not proud of it. that is changing starting last night. hahahahah

no but seriously, i am not going to be like that anymore. i remember certain things from my past and now i am thinking...WTF why did i do that?


good thing i realized this sooner rather than later.

When the rain
Is blowing in your face
And the whole world
Is on your case
I could offer you
A warm embrace
To make you feel my love

When the evening shadows
And the stars appear
And there is no one there
To dry your tears
I could hold you
For a million years
To make you feel my love

I know you
Haven't made
Your mind up yet
But I would never
Do you wrong
I've known it
From the moment
That we met
No doubt in my mind
Where you belong

I'd go hungry
I'd go black and blue
I'd go crawling
Down the avenue
No, there's nothing
That I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love

The storms are raging
On the rolling sea
And on the highway of regret
Though winds of change
Are throwing wild and free
You ain't seen nothing
Like me yet

I could make you happy
Make your dreams come true
Nothing that I wouldn't do
Go to the ends
Of the Earth for you
To make you feel my love

makes me think of anyone who loved me more than the last was capable of.

Questions

I think I might have found part of the answer to the question we have been asking myself all week...


I can;t bring myself to be with anyone else. I can't do it.
There are some great guys I have found out there. Ones that treat me well and are nice to me and ones that I am attracted to. But when it comes to having sex with someone or being someone's "girlfriend" I can't do it. When I am in my right mind. I just can't bring myself to be with anyone.


I have never felt this way before. About anyone. Even in past relationships when I have liked someone and they broke up with me, I would be sad and lonely but I never had any problem being with someone else. This is the weirdest feeling I have ever had.




That took me so long to find out and I found out the hard way.

I guess sometimes you have to push people away to see what was really there all along.

It's looking like a limb torn off
Or altogether just taken apart
We're reeling through an endless fall
We are the ever-living ghost of what once was

But no one is ever gonna love you more than I do
No one's gonna love you more than I do

And anything to make you smile
It is my better side of you to admire
But they should never take so long
Just to be over then back to another one

But no one is ever gonna love you more than I do
No one's gonna love you more than I do

But someone,
They could have warned you
When things start splitting at the seams and now
The whole thing's tumbling down
Things start splitting at the seams and now
If things start splitting at the seams and now,
It's tumbling down
Hard.

Anything to make you smile
You are the ever-living ghost of what once was
I never want to hear you say
That you'd be better off
Or you liked it that way

But no one is ever gonna love you more than I do
No one's gonna love you more than I do

But someone
They should have warned you
When things start splitting at the seams and now
The whole thing's tumbling down
Things start splitting at the seams and now
If things start splitting at the seams and now,
It's tumbling down
Hard

this is when it actually begins

the getting over it part.

i wish i hadn't waited so long. i don't want to be sad and i don't want this to take forever.

i think that maybe all of this progressing into what it did has made me see everything a little clearly. i wanted some clarity and i want to have closure and i wanted to feel not so confused.

i think i have those things now. not so much the clarity but the closure and confusion.

i know what i need to know about this situation.


i have said my apologies and i have told you what my heart feels.
i told you had found the forgiveness in my heart.



goodbye.

I dont even know

Somehow you have captured my heart by not even being around.


I am so bummed and my heart wont be able to love for while.


things will get better things will get better things will get better things will get better....



"you would be foolish jen".....you are right, I only have myself to blame this time and so be it. I will learn from my mistakes.